Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
they need to just BURY HIM!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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