i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
