That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
