just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
