New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
