so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
