Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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