I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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