take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize