i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
