Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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