nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
