Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
