So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
