bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
