Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
where does the pee come out of this thing
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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