I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize