Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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