I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
