Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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