did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
