Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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