I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
