Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
