she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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