First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
