So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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