Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
