**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
