Are we in a gay sports bar?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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