I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
