I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
