i need an iv and a liver transplant
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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