What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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