No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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