Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
