well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
she peed on how many people?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
