i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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