So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
