Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
