East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
