In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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