My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
