i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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