I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize