she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
