kristin has been a bad kristin
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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