i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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