and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
