Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
