Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
