I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
