I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It's never too late to be topless.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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