my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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