I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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