I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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