You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
