I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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