Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
