no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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