I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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