carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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