My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
