You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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