I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Houston, we have a squirter
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
