Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
