If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
