What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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