I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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