Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
