Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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