I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just invented taco cereal.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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