How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
This is my gift to your gina
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
