i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize