The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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