On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
