my mouth tastes like poor choices
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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