and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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