well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
