When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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