Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize