I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You should frame my arrest warrant.