you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.