if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I need moral support for this bender
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌